I'm only sleeping

If you ever wondered how I thought, "Hey, why not try doing film?"

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 00:54:58 GMT

I was at a point in my life, didn't graduate highschool, trying to obtain the diploma within a High School Diploma program, ( I ended up going and obtaining a GED ) realizing that my desire to be a manga artist in the states was not going to happen. At the simple fact that I couldn't draw. Or atleast I couldn't draw good. Before that, I wanted to be a novel writer, then realized I just can't be that detailed. Before I wanted to be a Comedian... And... I'm not quite sure why I had decided to quit that. I might get back into it, who knows. I had just recently been bitten by the View Askew bug, a sort of delayed reaction as my father and I had bailed on this horrible movie that I can't even recall the title and snuck ( completely my father's doing, I assure you ) into a theater to see Dogma. After that, I had bought Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back on DVD, still not fully into the View Askewniverse, then I caught Clerks on a movie channel via cable. Shortly after that, I'd stroll to my nearest Best Buy and went on Kevin Smith/View Askew shopping sprees.

Out of all the movies, my favorite had to be Clerks. ( And ofcourse the recent Clerks II ) I didn't quite know why. It was so simple. It was a black and white movie with cursing, talking about snowballing, jizzmoppers, and girls fucking dead guys in the store's bathroom. Really, it was about two guys talking. The dialogue WAS the movie. It was raw, clearly low budget, not a lot of action, if at all, and had THE worst fighting scene in movie history, I'm sure.

But I loved it. I fuckin' loved it. ( Out of the two, Randal was my all-time favorite. Such a great character with the best lines ) I quoted the lines, I watched it every chance I got if it was on cable, censored or not. ( ...mostly rooting for not ) It didn't matter that I had the Clerks X DVD, watching it on cable saved me atleast for two hours of complete boredom. But it wasn't only the movie I started to love, but what the movie was. This movie was the first View Askew film, no big budget, and was a do or die situation. And this one did it all and then some. Clerks put both View Askew and Kevin Smith into the Film Industry. Kevin Smith wrote in a blog once, he watched this film, "Slackers" and thought, "... I could do this."

Clerks and Kevin Smith was my Slackers. His movies weren't a desperate grab for money. They weren't littered with Hollywood special effects. It didn't lack stories and characters for action. They weren't forced. His movies were made from a man that simply just wanted to make films. Before this, I never thought of getting into the film industry, or attempt at this point really, "Hell no. A director? Like Spielberg, Luhrman, and Lucas?! Too out of my league, sir. I just write stories, not blockbusters. I sure as hell wouldn't write anything Oscar-worthy. I'm just not that talented." Then I discovered Kevin Smith, and then thought, "... If he's able to write his stories, and just that, his stories... Then maybe I can as well."

My past aspirations. Comedian, writer and manga artist, what drew me to those aspirations remained the same. I wanted to make and share stories I created myself, with characters I created myself. To entertain those around me. To be creative. After thinking this, well... My current aspiration, that I'm determined to follow through on? It just seems natural and logical.

Does not liking 4th of July make me a terrorist?

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 08:18:53 GMT

Now, I'm not planning to blow up the white house or anything like that.... I just don't like the fourth of July that much. Mind you, I'm typing this after I got home from Anime Expo, where the majority of the time, I shopped and shopped and sweat and sweat ( FUCK was it hot ) and all I wanted to do was lay down and sleep ( as I didn't get much of that, really... ) but. It was the fourth of July. Fourth of July. Meaning. Barbecues. People. Family. At the house. Family gathering, oh joy.

Though I decided to take a nap around... 3pm. ...and I woke up at 8pm. Now this would be fine, I'd just lay on bed and whatever, so that my disoriented self could get.... Well. Oriented. But nope. Barbecue. Fourth of July. Dad called me on the cell ( even though he was just in the backyard. Eh. Go figure ) and tells me to come out. So I go out, say my hellos, disoriented as hell. Almost as if under the influence. Which I was. Of sleep. Eh...

Also, I'm not really that big of a fan of the fireworks. And this neighborhood, as does every neighborhood, I'm sure, get the loudest fireworks and all that, and play around with it all week. Even though I can find the humor of it sounding like we're being bombed.... I still find it a wee bit annoying. And distracting. Parents and family get all excited, looking at the fireworks, and sister had dragged me out of the house to do just that tonight. Some were done by boyfriend of sister, the basic of basics fireworks that you've seen year after year. They were nice and all, but all I could think about is when it would be done.

Does this make me unpatriotic? Does anyone celebrate 4th of July really to be patriotic or just an excuse to eat and play with fire? What the hell does it truly mean to be an American, anyway? Seriously? I dunno. I'm just lacking some energy right now, I guess. I just don't really see the point of this holiday. Other than taking time off work/school... I just don't see the point. I admit, there's no real pride in me about where I live. I just feel... That I'm here. No love, no, "I wouldn't live anywhere else" kind of pride. Hell, I'm aspiring to go to Maine for school. But that has more to do with California, I suppose.

So yeah. That's my rant. Woo~

I'll share my "experience" at Anime Expo in my next blog.

An Email to Rockport

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 10:06:30 GMT

"Dear Sarah Szwajkos," ( Admissions Counselor at Rockport )

"First of all I'd like to thank you for taking the time to reply with my questions. I really appreciate it. I'd be glad to write about my current educational situation, especially if it helps me atleast inch a bit closer to attending Rockport as, the desire to do so has risen even more so after reading the catalogue.

"Well, first off, I unfortunately didn't graduate Highschool with the rest of my class. By the end of my "senior" year ( I was listed as a Junior but it was, indeed, my last year at my school ) I started, to put it simply, not care about school. Not care about highschool to be more exact. Not a good excuse, I know. Childish, maybe, but that was how I genuinely felt back then, and that affected my not graduating. I wasn't welcomed back to my highschool, therefore I started making up credits outside of Westchester Highschool, and I was somewhat glad, to be honest. I never truly liked my school, but now, I sometimes ponder if I would have graduated if I had transfered to another school. But alas, wasted opportunities should not be dwelled upon, but to be learned upon I guess.

"I spent two semesters at El Camino Community College, not as a full-time student but to fulfill my elective credit requirements. Why I spent two semesters instead of one? The first semester, I guess I was still in my highschool mindset and failed my classes. However, in my second semester I "wised" up I guess you could say, and passed with two B's and an A. I was quite proud of the A as, that was a class I had failed in my last semester. I may fall on the ground sometimes, but I'll rise up again.

"After that I attended Centinela Valley Adult School, and was part of the High School Diploma program, where I was given a text book, pages of assignments and was sent by myself to do the work. Although the difficulty was virtually non-existant, the boredom of doing the same thing over and over got to me everyday. I started to become restless when it came to school, and I felt my old Highschool self coming forth yet again. I hated it. Because of this, my progress in the program slowly declined. Family members started to loose faith in me reaching the goal of completing the program, which in turn sort of made me loose faith in myself.

"A realization came to me then. I was 19, and was stuck in this educational purgatory of sorts. Not a highschool student, yet not in anyway prepared for College. Stuck in between, just drifting. I didn't want to drift anymore. I recently took the GED tests, and I'm still awaiting the results of the testing. I want to move forward. I want to go forward to something that I want so much. To have that passion most have chasing after their dream. And that's what led me to the Rockport College site, and led me to a desire to attend.

"This email is probably more than expected. Maybe I'm over-glorifying my situation, but.... I feel that is my situation. Over-glorified or not, that is my situation. I guess I'm still in the stage where I can't use past tense when referring to it. But I hope to do so soon. I'm open to any suggestions you would offer me. I welcome it, entirely. I'll even welcome calling me a silly girl for possibly overdoing this email. Heh. I probably am.

"Regarding my experience... All that I have done so far is work on the basics of basic, Windows Movie maker and recently went into Adobe Premiere Pro to make simple montages for shows, more like music videos, I guess? I need a lot of help as I've never taken a class for Premiere Pro or to make videos. All I've done is self-taught. Most of my videos are located at: YouTube link 1

"If that doesn't work: YouTube link 2

"I would very much like to recieve a DVD of samples of past student projects. Quite interested in that, actually. My address is:

"_________
____________
______________"

( You didn't think I'd put my real address in a blog, did you? )

"Again, thank you so much for replying to my earlier email. It may sound a bit corny, but I truly do appreciate it.

J.Yvette."

Note: Some of the email was removed in this blog. Just unneccesary parts. I left in the Youtube links hoping to get more views. You'd do the same.

What if.............. I met Gackt.

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 00:58:43 GMT

Allright, I'm gonna tell you right now. If you're a Gackt lover, love him to pieces and all that... Do no read. I repeat. DO. NOT. READDD. And for the rest of you, this happened while talking to a friend of mine that shares the same views as me as the J-Rock singer. =D ( If you've read my last two interviews, Gackt is played by Mishkin. ) This discussion and a bit of roleplay started when I read this. The first story there, can't miss it. and ofcourse sent the link to Mish.

Mishkin
age unknown. XD

J.Yvette
I know, I laughed at that, too

Mishkin
He used to think he was like 400 years old or something.

J.Yvette
Yonekura Ryoko ( 30 ) Gackt ( 400 ). Rockin' the cradle, is he? XD

Mishkin
ROFL. XDDD

J.Yvette
XD!

Mishkin
JUST A LITTLE. I wonder if even she knows how old Gackt is...

J.Yvette
..... I wonder that as well... Shit, that'd be the first question I'll ask if I ever cross paths with him....

[ Both Mishkin and J.Yvette ponder and the scene slowly fades into Japan, where, indeed, J.Yvette is face to face with the one and only... "Gackt" ]

J.Yvette
Excuse me, Gackt-dude-chick-whatever. ... How OLD are you?! And not that bullshit 400 age, either.

"Gackt"
...

[ Wind blows ]

J.Yvette
Well...? Spill!

"Gackt"
... *woooooooosh* ...

J.Yvette
...You realize I could probably break you very easily you being so thin.

"Gackt"
...would you like to see Gakuto Jr.?

J.Yvette
..... That better mean you have a son.

"Gackt"
... *wooooooosh*

J.Yvette
........ Are you..... 40...?

"Gackt"
...do you have any pork belly blocks?

J.Yvette
....are you just making up words in english? I know your english isn't that strong, I've heard your english-speaking songs...

"Gackt"
...shocku desu.

J.Yvette
..... Are you male or female...?

"Gackt"
...should I wear blue sunglasses to the wholesale store?

J.Yvette
YOU'RE AVOIDING MY QUESTIONS!

"Gackt"
Should I? *woosh*

J.Yvette
........ *twitch* GAAH, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?!!! HOW OLD ARE YOU?!! WTF IS YOUR PROBLEMMMM???!!! *CHOKE CHOKE*

"Gackt"
I'M REALLY GOOD LOOKING?!

J.Yvette
NO YOU'RE NOT. AND YOUR ENGLISH SINGING REALLY SUCKS.

"Gackt"
...WHAT

J.Yvette
YOU HEARD ME. AND YOU'RE WAAAAY OVERRATED.

"Gackt"
...THIS ISN'T SO

J.Yvette
OH YES IT IS.

"Gackt"
YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE YOU AREN'T ME

J.Yvette
I'm jealous because I'm not a guy that looks like a girl, who's only popular because he/she says their bi just to make the yaoi fangirls happy? Oooh yeah, I'm jealous, onlynot.

"Gackt"
...here, have some free merchandise.

J.Yvette
...... Don't want it. T_T

"Gackt"
LOOK HERE'S A PICTURE OF ME KISSING EVERYONE IN MY BAND ARE YOU SATISFIED YET.

J.Yvette
Nope. I'm not a yaoi fangirl. So..this does nothing for me.

"Gackt"
...BUT YOU LIKE YURI RIGHT?

J.Yvette
...well, yeah.

"Gackt"
HERE IS A PICTURE OF US CROSSDRESSING. AND BEING WHORES. I CAN SATISFY EVERYONE! I WIN! HAHAHAAAAAAAAAaaaa.

J.Yvette
But you're still guys. This still isn't yuri. So. YOU LOSE.

"Gackt"
NO ONE CARES
[ to himself ]
I'm still the most popular pop icon in the world...

J.Yvette
Overrated~ He's soooo overrated~

"Gackt"
GACKT IS GOOD.

J.Yvette
GACKT IS OVERRATED.

"Gackt"
EVERYONE LOVES GACKT.

J.Yvette
Not really.... I don't.

"Gackt"
ONE AMONGST FEW.

J.Yvette
And the American guys that just think you're weird.

"Gackt"
NO ONE LIKES AMERICAN MEN ANYWAY.

J.Yvette
But ofcourse they do. Otherwise Americans would be wiped out of existence. Oh. Is that too much to understand for you? I know your english isn't good.

"Gackt"
...EVERYONE LOVES ME

J.Yvette
Everyone loves Raymond, actually.

"Gackt"
WHO IS THIS RAYLAND

J.Yvette
... RayMOND. It's a tv show, don't you know anything?

"Gackt"
OH GOD MY HAIR IS ASKEW

J.Yvette
Fix it, ya big baby.

"Gackt"
I need my makeup artists.

J.Yvette
.... You don't know how to fix your own hair?!

"Gackt"
Why would I do a thing like that?

J.Yvette
..... You're useless.

"Gackt"
I'm the best!

J.Yvette
Can you do ANYTHING on your own? Do you pay people to wipe your ass? What?

"Gackt"
Oh I don't need to pay them. They do it on their own.

J.Yvette
.............................. *shakes head*

"I Wanna Be Famous"

Tue, 30 May 2006 23:49:05 GMT

You and I
Will see eye to eye
You will soon see
Everything's allright
No need to worry
No need to fear for me

* I wanna be famous
A star on the screen
Everyone will love me
Just wait and see

You'll see me in tabloids, newspapers and T.V
You're all gonna love me
Won't get enough of me
This is what I wanna be-----!

Why do you build me up only to knock me down?
Why do you crush my dreams to the ground?
Why don't you believe when I say
Everything's gonna be okay
Everything's gonna be okay--------!

Leave me be
Let me dream
This is what I wanna be
Nothing short of Oscar winning

* I wanna be famous
A star on the screen
Winning awards and pictures from papparazzi
You'll all love me
Just wait and see

What is this?
You're turnin on me
Redcoat
What's happening?
I thought you'd love me
For eternity

Nothing lasts forever it seems
No matter how many times I'm on the screen
This isn't what I wanna be
Where's the old me?

* I don't wanna be famous
No star on the screen
You're all gonna love and turn on me
Where is the love
That I'm yearning...?

For once, this song isn't about ME. =D

Terrrraaaa~

Sat, 27 May 2006 04:21:49 GMT

Let's chat! =D

Closin' In

Wed, 24 May 2006 00:05:06 GMT

"Closin' In"

I can't breathe
I can't sleep
And when I do it's not enough.

Why am I
So tired
And sick of it all

* The walls are closin' in
I don't know what to do
I hear your words
But I just feel more lost
I just want to fuck it all
Until there's nothing left to care about

I hate this feelin'
I'm doing what I should
What I need
But the feeling of want overtakes me

Why am I such a fuckin' loser?
I need to take a step forward
But I end up taking two steps back.
Where is the determination I lack?

Ah.....!

* The walls are closin' in
I don't know what to do
I just want to fuck it all
Leave me be.
( Oh ) Why is this happening to me?

I really want to catch up
To the pace of those around me
But I stumble everytime
Hoplessly watching them disappear
In the distance

Why can't I do this and move on?
Why can't I just mooove oooon?
Oh!

* The walls are closin' inn!
I don't know what the fuck to do!
Just fucke it all!
Fuck it ALL
Fuckin' leave me alone
Leave this place
And never...
Never look back...
Ye-aahh....

Dear "the pink jump" ..... Fuck you.

Mon, 08 May 2006 01:45:54 GMT

Well. I recieved the most interesting email today. From a person simply naming him/herself as "the pink jump" at thepinkjump@gmail.com. He/She would not give a name, or where "else" this person knows me from. Obviously trying to seem bad ass and plainly bash me, this person IS a pussy that doesn't want me to know who this person is and wants his/her privacy.

Fuck that.

That is why I'm putting this up in a blog. Read that, Pink Fuck? Let's get to it, then.

"Subject: Saw you on myspace, and...

I know you elsewhere, but I prefer not to disclose."

Because you are indeed a pussy? Agreed.

"I want to inform you on somethings."

Oh please do.

"It's not just your looks (although they are something to greatly be desired, I think you should look into this place, http://www.fat-forums.com/forums/)"

Ooooh, pulling out the fat card, eh? Sorry to disappoint, but my mother and family pulled that card WAY before you. I know I am fat. I DO own a mirror, and I'm quite aware that I am fat. Whoop-dee-fuckin-do!

"that are a horrible turn off, but your overall attitude in general."

Reeaaallly, now? You must have some sort of contact with me, then.

" You care NOTHING for what anyone else wants to say."

I wouldn't say that.

"You don't even fake it. "

Er...Atleast I'm real? Who the fuck wants to fake it, really? But, to be serious here... For any friends I talk to online that feels this way, that I tune out on your interests that I don't share, it's not of a lack of compassion, it's just... Hm. Just a lack of what to say or to share. It's like.... Talking about a show or a music with someone who obviously loves it, but you personally have had no experience watching and listening. You'll find you have very little to say. I experience that all the time, and I may not have handled that well. To anyone who I've talked to that I made feel bad for that, then I'm truly sorry. But in regards to The Pink Fuck over here? Allow me to give you a general, "Fuck you, pal."

"I can't tell you how many times I've feigned interest in your crap to be nice. "

.....then.... Don't...? It's not that fuckin' hard. Don't like it, don't try to fake anything, just be straight up with me. Doesn't mean shit whatever you said ( whoever you are ) if you're just trying to be nice. You obviously hate me, and in turn, I hate you. So let's just say "Fuck you" to each other and be done with it, don't give me a fuckin' pussy email.

"But when someone wants to talk about what they want, you're like, forget it! They don't share your opinion, they aren't worthy! That's such bullshit and horribly rude. Be polite for once in your life and let other people talk about what they want."

I admit, I ramble at times, but I do generally listen, atleast I think. But hey, if any of my TRUE friends feel that I don't , again, I'm sorry. Not intentional.

"And stop making excuses and do shit for yourself for once. Your parents shelter you? You're fucking 19 years old. You can get off your huge ass (an effort, I know, just practice)"

OOOH SNAP, ANOTHER FAT JOKE! Pfft. I don't need to repeat myself.

"and do things for yourself. Stand up to them. Don't depend on others. Get the hell out of the house, graduate highschool or whatever, and DO something."

Why the fuck do you think I'm going to Adult School to get my diploma for? You seem to act you know me very well, so of COURSE you must have known I am indeed attending Adult School to get my diploma, right? ...wait, you didn't? Then you really don't know me at all? Don't know my parents? Really?

Then shut the fuck up.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to say that. No idea."

Then tell me who you fuckin' are. Pussy. It's easy to say what you have in your mind without stating your identity, isn't it? Don't do this shit half-way. Fuckin' lame.

"And I can honestly say that I'm not the only one who feels this way."

Reaaally now? Not the only one? Then let them send their emails. Bring it on, bitch.

As I read this email... I still have no fuckin' idea who Pink Fuck is. One name comes to mind, however, if the name matches Pink Fuck.... Heh. It is a person I told off in the past, but damn. That was like..... What? One or two years ago? It takes this person one or two years to come with a comeback, a weak one where he/she is too fuckin' afraid to put their name or how I know them? That's just sad.

Just plain sad.

"(Anti-)Beverly Hills"

Thu, 04 May 2006 03:49:51 GMT

Originally by: Rivers Cuomo ( Weezer )

"(Anti)Beverly Hills"

Where I come from, yeah, isn't all that great
My automobile is mostly crap
My fashion sense is plain to see
And my friends don't care about anything like that

No, I didn't go to boarding schools
Stuck up rich kids don't care I exist
That's fine, I ain't like them
Atleast I have my dignity

Beverly Hills? Not where I want to be! ( gimme, gimme )
Anything but Beverly Hills...
Beverly Hills? Roll like a stuck up celebrity! ( gimme, gimme )
Anything but fuckin' Beverly Hills...

Look at all those movie star wannabees
They're all so beautiful like a barbie
When the housemaids work
They make sure they don't steal anything

I never wanna live a life like that
I'd rather just be like me
Take your pictures by the pool
Act like you have a real big thing

Beverly Hills? Not where I want to be! ( gimme, gimme )
Anything but Beverly Hills...
Beverly Hills? Roll like a stuck up celebrity! ( gimme, gimme )
Anything but fuckin' Beverly Hills...

*Spoken*
Truth is? I don't give a fuck.
It's something you're born into.
And thank God I don't belong.

No, I don't - I'm just a no class, beat down fool
That's just me.
So I'll enjoy my life
Never look up to those who play...

Beverly Hills? Not where I want to be! ( gimme, gimme )
Anything but Beverly Hills...
Beverly Hills? Roll like a stuck up celebrity! ( gimme, gimme )
Anything but fuckin' Beverly Hills...

Fuck Beverly Hills, fuckin' Beverly Hills, ( yeah )
Fuck Beverly Hills, fuckin' Beverly Hills, ( gimme, gimme )
Living anywhere but Beverly Hills.

.... Tell me. "Crash" that movie.... It was supposed to be GOOD, right?

Tue, 02 May 2006 07:17:45 GMT

Seriously?

Good?

Like Oscar-good?

........................ Fuckin hell....

I had heard soo many good things about this movie, so when checking the movie channels, and saw that it just started, I went to it, expecting to dazzled by this great story, great cast ( okay, I'll give props to the cast ) and great characters. I expected a damn good movie where I would be glued to the television, going, "Oh shit, this fucker's good," and all that jazz. But the only think I can think was:

".........Fuck, when is this over?"

I don't know, maybe this is just me, but, all I can make sense of this movie, but all I got was, "HEY! LOS ANGELES! GUESS WHAT! WE'RE REALLY STILL RACIST AS HELL! NOT JUST FOR BLACK PEOPLE BUT FOR EVERY POSSIBLE RACE THERE IS!!!!!1111SHIFTONE"

A CHINESE MAN GETS RUN OVER BY TWO BLACK GUYS WHO STOLE THIS WHITE COUPLE'S CAR, FOR FUCK SAKE.

A middle-eastern man, who obviously doesn't know English for shit, after thinking a mexican man robbed his store, goes after him with a gun, and almost kills the mexican's daughter, if not for the english speaking middle-eastern daughter buying BLANK bullets for said gun.

Hell, in the beginning, a black policeman and, not mexican since it was made clear in movie her family is not from Mexico but El Savador or some shit like that, get in a car CRASH and the CHINESE woman in the other car is all, "OMFGWTF MEXICANS CAN'T DRIVE FOR SHIT!" and the non-mexican girl is all, "OMFGWTF BET YOU COULDN'T SEE US COMING WITH YOUR SLANTED EYES, YOU FUCKIN' CHINK!!!" ( Yes, I know I'm probably spoiling the hell out of this movie, but for those of you that HAVEN'T seen it yet.... Don't. Don't. Get a Kevin Smith movie or just...anything else but this. )

..... I ask you again.

Crash.... Is supposed to be a GOOD movie.... Right?

Right?!

There's soo much crap in Hollywood right now. It just depresses me a bit. I mean... I don't want like a complex movie that talks of the meaning of life or any deep shit like that. I mean... I like Kevin Smith films. I like Weezer. It may not be deep, but damn, atleast it's enjoyable. Something I can get into. Simple, but great. All the films I see are either three of the following:

1.) Remakes ( Poseidon, The Shaggy Dog, When a Stranger Calls, anyone? )

2. ) Sequels ( Scary Movie 4, a first in a TRILOGY, Big Momma's House 2, my GOD why did that movie get made?!, Basic Instinct 2, Mission Impossible III, Ice Age 2, etc, etc... )

3. ) Rip-offs. ( Stick it, oh gee sounds a bit familiar like oh I don't know BRING IT ON?!, Aquamarine, too much like Splash for me. A crappy/kiddie version of Splash, but Splash nonetheless, She's the Man, I'm sure there was a movie very similiar to this in the 80's I think. 90's? )

Although the thought that, since these movies did make it, then it's safe to say that the films -I- make will DEFINATELY make it. ....... It still makes me sad, a bit. THIS is the industry I want to get into. .... An industry full of shit.

God, when will Clerks 2 come and save us all?

Interview with a Mishkin. ( WTF is a Mishkin? )

Sun, 30 Apr 2006 07:51:43 GMT

My second interview in a row! This is getting fun, in my opinion. This time, with Mishkin. =D Go read to find out about what goes in the mind of Mishkin.

J.Yvette: Hey there, glad you wanted to participate in my SECOND interview, w00t.

Mishkin: I'm totally honored.

J.Y: Let's hope that doesn't change throughout the interview.... Now, my first question, who is Mishkin? And this isn't a way to like, you do the work for me, really. ;D

M:We're all lazy americans here. Technically, Mishkin is Marisa Lauren Meredith, but personally, Mishkin is...creative! And too sex-oriented for her own good.

J.Y: XD! And how many people can concur to that last statement?

M: Anyone who knows me well enough, pretty much. XD

J.Y: Heh, I see. What are your current ambitions and/or goals?

M: I don't really have anyone. I'm not a very ambitious person. I set my standards too high and give up easily. XD I suppose, to graduate with a mildly respectable GPA and get into this visual performing arts program.

J.Y: Well that seems cool. So is that your career goal? Somewhere in the performing arts?

M: Not really. I'm not sure what my career goal is. It used to be journalism, but I sort of gave up on that. I'd like to do something that deals with drawing, but. I'm just applying for the program because it's something.

J.Y: Oh, I see. Well, tomarrow never knows, right? So, aside from school and life decisions... What do you do to pass the time?

M: Yup~ Mostly, I roleplay, draw, or horseback ride.

J.Y: Ah, how long have you been horseback riding?

M: I think it's safe to say for more than half of my life.

J.Y: You have your own horse and everything?

M: Yup, I do. She was a Christmas present some years back.

J.Y: Aww. And my mother couldn't even stand cats. XD. So, you find it relaxing?

M: Aw. XD My mom doesn't like cats, either... Some parts of riding are stressful, like competition. But for the most part, it's very relaxing. Horses make wonderful companions when you earn their respect.

J.Y:I see. It's interesting, since I've never really come in contact with horses. Such a city girl. Next question.... Blow or hand jobs? Which is better?

M: Baha~ I'm not one to put them in my mouth, so I'm going to stick with handjobs. ;3 You never know where they may have been...

J.Y: ..Or what comes out of them...

M: I'm going to assume sperm! But who knows, it could be acid.

J.Y: I was thinking piss, but hey.

M: Ew.. I think there's something that locks up the bladder so that doesn't happen...

J.Y: Really? .... Nah, still wouldn't take one in the mouth. Anyway, next question.... Tits or ass?

M: That's a hard one. *ponder* Can I have both? XD But really, boobs are nice. Very nice.

J.Y: I quite agree. Now, balls or dick?

M: Neither of them are eyecandy. XD

J.Y: Heh, agreed. Allright, next question is a bit more serious... Having sex before marriage or waiting until your wedding night, what's your opinion?

M: I guess wedding night would be nice and romantic and whatnot, but if I was totally committed to my partner, I'd do it before marriage.

J.Y: What's your opinion on those who think waiting until marriage is the only way to go?

M: They're either psycho christians or need to get their panties out of their ass. :]

J.Y: And something else in their ass? ;D

M: XD Maaaaaaaaaaybe~ But seriously, to each their own.

J.Y: Haha. Okay, I think we have enough talk of sex.... I talked about this with Terra in the last interview. What is your opinion on Japanese songs? Is the fact that in most cases, the lack of knowledgement of what is being said affects the love you have for these songs?

M: I love Jrock, in particular, bands like Dir en grey and Gazette. It doesn't bother me in the least that I can't comprehend a word they're saying, most of the time, the emotion and basic meaning can be conveyed just by listening to their voice, especially in the former of aforementioned bands.

J.Y: Good answer, in my opinion. I share the same view. And the fact that bands from a foreign country, singing in a foreign tongue can be so, transversal to those of a different country and tongue says a lot.

M: Yeah. When foreign bands get popular in other countries, especially in America, which is a hard market to break through, you know they're good.

J.Y: Definately. I'd hope to say the same for Utada Hikaru, but we all know how Exodus turned out.

M: ...I don't. XD

J.Y: ..... Not so good. She never got a guest spot on Conan which... Would have kicked all kinds of ass. Speaking of Conan, are you a TV person?

M: Aww, poor Utada. And no, not really. I rarely watch TV; I only turn it on to keep me company, or watch weird shit on the health channel. XD

J.Y: Heh, so are you more of a movie person? Or has music generally claimed your everyday life?

M: I go to see movies every so often, but mostly for the popcorn. :] *popcorn whore* I'm a music person. Can't live without it.

J.Y: Heh, I see. What's your favorite genre of film? Like, the kind of movie you really look forward to seeing?

M: Uhh...well, I like comedy. But scary movies are good too, like...When A Stranger Calls. I thought that was a great movie.

J.Y: As for comedy, do you look for the somewhat smart comedy, or the kind of comedy like.... the Scary Movie series or Zoolander?

M: Scary Movie and so forth. XD The Date Movie was great.

J.Y: I still need to see that. Now I know you're not much of a RPG Gamer... But do you play any other games?

M: Yeah. Things like Animal Crossing, Katamari, DDR, Guitar Hero...Those sorts of things.

J.Y: I see, I wanted to try Guitar Hero, seemed pretty interesting. Getting back to scary movies, do you go for the classic slasher movies, or are you into the modern scary movies more?

M: Nn...depends on what you mean. The gory, weird movies like Silent Hill aren't anything I'd want to see in a theatre, but I could stand it at home. I guess, modern scary movies I'm more into...?

J.Y: Ah, so no Jason or Freddy Krueger movies, then?

M: Not in a theatre at any rate. XD *bites surround sound*

J.Y: Haha. Allright, I think we shall finish up with the last few questions now. Who or what are your biggest influences in life? Heros?

M: No one. I don't admire anyone. I get jealous, sure, cos I'm typical bratty younger-sibling type, but really, I've never looked up to anyone.

J.Y: So no influences whatsoever? Just been yourself?

M: Yep. That's about it.

J.Y: So you could say you're your own hero/influence, maybe?

M: Not so much. Influence, yes. Hero, definitely not. XD

J.Y: Heh, I see. How does Mishkin see herself in five years?

M: Mishkin thinks the future is a scary thing not to be reckoned with.

J.Y: XD Okay. How do you want to be remembered? As a person?

M: I don't aspire to such a level. XD It'd be cool to be remembered for something bad though. *ponder* XD

J.Y: Why is that?

M: I dunno. [Because] I like being bad. XD *useless answers*

J.Y: Evil~

M: Rrawr.

J.Y: Any regrets? Not including this interview?

M: I thought this was fun! XD Um...I could name a lot of things. Mainly, whatever was the product of my impulsiveness, and telling people things.

J.Y: Heh, it was fun for me, too. And I see. Any last words?

M: 京!薫!

J.Y: Something that won't come up as little squares on my blog? XD

M: NEVER.

J.Y: Damn! Well, thank you so much for participating in this interview, it's been really fun.

M: *gives chocolate* Yes.

This concludes the second interview, two days in a row. I feel so damn accomplished. I think it went pretty well, and I'm starting to really like interviewing people. So, anyone reading this would like to give being interviewed a try, I'd be glad to do so. See ya around.

Interview with a Terra.

Sat, 29 Apr 2006 09:16:38 GMT

Well, I've been reading a lot of interviews of my fave celebs and all that. I always wondered how it would feel to interview someone, but since I am SO not in the know with celebs, I turned to my dearest friends online. The first one to interview? Terra aka drillshot aka, as I knew her, KCF-Yugi. Here is what resulted.

J.Yvette: Hi there, glad you want to participate in this =D

Terra: XD Hi~ Thanks for giving me the opportunity?

J.Y: Thank you for accepting such opportunity. ...I know, I'm a dork. Well. Start out by stating your name, of what you want others to know you by, anyway.

T: I go by Terra. And I am also a dork.

J.Y: Yay for dorks, right? So, Terra, what are your recent goals in life as of now?

T: Yay indeed! Mostly to get a degree at uni, I guess?

J.Y: What's your major? At what Uni is this?

T: At the moment it's Linguistics. XD At a nearby university in NZ.

J.Y: Ah, I see. Any favorite classes?

T: I like my foreign language classes best.

J.Y: Ah? What languages are you learning? I recall you mentioning Japanese in the past...

T: I'm just learning Japanese right now. I was going to do French and German as well.

J.Y: I see. And, from your experience, what has been the hardest or most unenjoyable class you've taken so far?

T: I got to pick all my uni classes, so they're ones I'm interested in, but I guess the Syntax/Semantics aspect of Linguistics isn't the most enjoyable class ever. XD;;

J.Y: XD I see, I see. Well, as we both know, you are fond of Roleplaying online... So, tell me, what sparked this fascination of RP'ing?

T: XD I think it's because it's like playing pretend games or acting out a role for a play. *killed* I also just like writing from different characters' POVs.

J.Y: Acting out a role for a play. Yeah. I guess Role playing is just that ;D Kidding, kidding.

T: ... XD!

J.Y: How long have you been... acting out a role for a play? ;D

T: About six/seven years? XD

J.Y: Wow. I can't remember how long I have... Except that it was when the first Harry Potter movie was out.

T: Ah, neat~ That's... ages? XD

J.Y: That's what I'll say when someone asks me. XD Okay, well, this question is going to be a bit self-indulgent, but I shall ask it anyway. What made you want to be my friend? ;D

T: I WISH TO USE YOU FOR MY OWN BENEFIT. BWAHAHA. >> I met you through RPing, so it was fun to interact/plot with you, and then you seemed like a nice person, who's fun to talk to as well. XD

J.Y: I shall believe that using me for your own beneift part. ;D Kidding! ........ Maybe.

T: XD! *SHIFTY EYES*

J.Y: Anyway! Next question.... Guilty pleasures?

T: BOOBS?

J.Y: MY BOOBS?!

T: >> PERHAPS.

J.Y: OH MY! But seriously, guilty pleasures aside from the boobs? XD

T: Hmm. XD I'm not sure, to be honest. Sleeping? [/boring]

J.Y: Heh, allright. Yaoi fangirls, opinion?

T: They don't really bother me or anything, as long as they're not trying to bash het[ero] or slash everything at random or something. XD But that could go for anyone/anything?

J.Y: Heh, I could live with that. Dick and Fart jokes, funny or just immature and inappropiate?

T: I don't find them funny. XD;;

J.Y: I can respect that. Favorite anime at the moment?

T: Hmm. XD I haven't really watched any in a while. I like Fruits Basket a lot?

J.Y: That series seems to be really popular these days.

T: It's good! I recommend it~

J.Y: I'll have to watch it someday. How are you in the video game department? I know you want Kingdom Hearts 2...

T: I hope you'll enjoy it, if you do. X3 I could probably stand to play more video games? *shifty eyes* I can't wait to get KH2.

J.Y: Heh, I think a lot of people that haven't gotten the game yet say the same. So you wouldn't really label yourself as a Gamer, as in playing all the time, non-stop?

T: Yeah, I guess not. XD;;

J.Y: So what does Terra usually do to pass the time?

T: XD! Usually? I RP, most of the time. *killed*

J.Y: That does pass the time XD Hm. Favorite Final Fantasy girl? Or guy.

T: It does~ XD *ponders* That's hard. I like most of them. *kicked* Maybe Blank and Zell? Anddd. Hmm. XD That's hard. Maybe Quistis or Fujin? The Tactics characters are really interesting, too.

J.Y: Ah, I never played Tactics. Maybe I should try it out.... Now, you listen to Japanese songs, correct?

T: I really need to get my hands on a copyyy. XD;; It wasn't released over here. *nod* I do~

J.Y: I do, too. And mostly, usually from people I know offline, they throw in the factor that I don't know what mostly is sung in the songs. Therefore, how could I enjoy it. What is your take on listening to Japanese songs? Does the fact that in most cases, you not understanding the lyrics affect how you like the song?

T: I don't really listen to songs because of the lyrics. I just listen to them if I like the melody. XD If I really want to know what the lyrics say, I occasionally look them up for any song, really.

J.Y: I see. That's how I usually am, as well. XD Great minds think alike~

T: >D OHOHO?

J.Y: X3 Current Japanese song obsessing over?

T: That's hard~ XD I like too many? I think I really like The Flower of Carnage from Kill Bill.

J.Y: I love Kill Bill, but I can't seem to remember that song.

T: It plays after O-Ren's death, I think.

J.Y: Hm. I'll have to see it again. I think we'll do our last questions now.

T: All right~

J.Y: How does Terra see herself in 5 years?

T: XD I don't know at all, to be honest. *killed* Hopefully I won't still be in school.

J.Y: Ha! I'm sure you won't. What do you want to be known for?

T: Thanks~ I don't really want to be known, I guess? XD Well, maybe just among my friends or something - have them remember me if we drift apart, I guess.

J.Y: Well, I mean, what kind of person would you want to be known as? I should have worded that better, sorry.

T: Hopefully a decent person? XD Non-lazy and non-hobo-ish?

J.Y: XD! I can respect that. Any regrets in your life?

T: My appalling time management. XD;; My grades could be a lot better.

J.Y: Hopefully this interview isn't one?

T: No~ XD I just need to make myself study harder. XD And on time.

J.Y: Heh, I've said that to myself sooo many times.... Well, thank you so much for participating in this. It's been fun on my part.

T: Kurse school~ >> Thank you for the interview! X3

Hope you all enjoyed that. I personally had a lot of fun, and liked to continue doing this with some other friends if they're interested. XD But, that's still up in the air.

What do I want...?

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 07:34:03 GMT

I want to....

Finally get my diploma.

Get my life in order.

Loose some FUCKIN. WEIGHT. SOMEHOW I WILL, DAMN IT.

Finish this damn Within The Heart, Kingdom Hearts and Anime fancomic. I will do this, damn it!

Go to Film School. Preferably Rockport College as to live in Maine for a year.

If accepted at Rockport, durring break between two semesters, a month's worth, live in Boston as noticed a lot of kick ass things and people in Boston, and is four hour drive from Rockport to Boston.

Gain independence.

Know just who the fuck the real me is.

Find love and keep it for atleast a while... ( I'm a pussy )

Visit Canada.

Visit Canada and meet any cast members of Degrassi.

Visit Canada and meet any cast members of Degrassi, singing "Whatever it takes! I know I can make it through!" while taking pictures of their horrified faces.

Try not to hit on Cassie Steele while above statements.

Track down Kris Turner of Instant Star fame and just pet and coo at him for being so damn cute.

Try not to do the same to Cassie Steele.

Try and sing better to fulfill any inner rock star within me.

Be more of a lovable dork than the quiet, anti-social dork.

Generally gain confidence with myself.

Attempt to make films for scripts partially written allready.

Gain confidence for attempt.

Finish scripts.

Finish learning Japanese.

Win fight against parents about learning Spanish before Japanese.

Visit Japan.

Visit Japan and meet Nakamura Shunsuke and Nakama Yukie.

Resist urge to mention a threesome.

Resist urge to hit on either Shunsuke and Yukie.

Try not to fall head over heels for either.

Learn the art of mingling? ( as according to sister is SO important )

Blow off learning the art of mingling. ( Har har )

Attempt to outnumber the amount of friends offline that I have online. ( ....this will be hard )

Attempt Stand-up Comedy again. ( that was so fun. )

Get focused--OOO QUARTE--Er. Focused.

Understand the nature of the Yaoi/Slash fangirls.

Fail to make sense of the nature of the Yaoi/Slash fangirls.

Make a movie making fun of the Yaoi/Slahs fangirls.

Get hated by the Yaoi/Slash fangirls.

Laugh at the Yaoi/Slash fangirls.

Get hit by the Yaoi/Slash fangirls.

Sue the Yaoi/Slash fangirls.

PWN the Yaoi/Slash fangirls.

Make a sequel of Yaoi/Slash fangirl movie.

Laugh.

Note: Some of these are serious. Some are not. Figure out which is which *wink*

"Grasp"

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 06:36:48 GMT

Okay, I am FAR from being a song writer or musician, but for some reason lately, I've attempted at trying to write it, basically about experiences and my feelings...eh. I doubt most of you would read it, nor comment about it. ( Although that would DAMN be appreciated ) But eh. Here you go. Called "Grasp" ( and for those that I showed a previous version, this is a remake, about a certain crush I had back in school. )

"Grasp"

When I saw you in class
I knew it was all over.
You were cute, I decided.
And now I can't look in your way
Without feeling guilty.
You're so close
Yet so far away.

* I'm searchin' for a
GRASP
Of what I wanna tell you, a
GRASP
Of what I'm feelin', a
GRASP
Of what you mean to me
But it seems you'll only like me
In daydreams

Whenever I see you pass my way
My body freezes, my body shakes
My heart aches
Eyes on the ground
And when I finally look up
You're gone.
Why can't I get my head out of the ground?

"Why don't you just talk to him?" my friends tell me.
"What do you have to loose?"
My dignity.
My confidence.
And if it was that easy I'd do it by now.

* I'm searchin' for a
GRASP
Of what I wanna tell you, a
GRASP
Of what I'm feelin', a
GRASP
Of what you mean to me
But it seems you'll only like me
In daydreams

It's torture.
Watching you.
But you never watch me.
Do you even know my name?
I know your smile
I know your laugh
I know your voice
But it's never enough
I want to know
You.

* I'm searchin' for a
GRASP
Of what I wanna tell you, a
GRASP
Of what I'm feelin', a
GRASP
Of what you mean to me
But it seems you'll only like me
In daydreams

I should just talk to you
But whenever I get near my tongue gets tied
Why is this so fuckin' hard?
This is so fuckin' pathetic
I confessed my feelings on paper and gave it to you and left.
What a pussy move.
I'm such an idiot.
I'm a coward.
Why can't I just speak my feelings?
Express with words that I don't just write.
Oh, god, the anticipation is killing me.
Every passing moment without an answer from you
Makes me die inside.

I'm searchin' ( Grasp )
Searchin' .... ( Grasp )
I wanna tell you.... ( Grasp )
What you mean.... To me.... ( Grasp )
But now that...
We're face to face
I know that...
We'll be together
We'll be together
Only in...
Daydreams....

The next day you avoided my gaze
The bell rings
I had to call your name for attention.
Twice.
"Did...you read my letter?" I asked.
You said yes, and then gave me rejection with a smile.
I nod, and say "Okay"
Then look the other way.
Make my exit.
It was a brief love affair
One-sided as hell.
To be honest, I expected it.
No one would love me like how I want to be.
I accepted
I'm not angry nor sad.
Just empty.
Is this how I'll always be?
Always turning the other way after rejection?
I don't like this feeling....
My throat hurts... My vision blurry....
Why.....?

Oh yes, I could post a new blog...

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 03:58:24 GMT

Oh yes, I could post a new blog...

I could post my woes of trying to stay awake in class as of late.

I could post about my anxiousness of an up-coming 2 week spring break coming my way after ending this current week.

I could post about a small conversation with my mother concerning the recent school walkouts, bringing back memories of a walk-out that happened back at Westchester, which was more of a short field-trip than a protest.

I could post about the new mattress I got, which was really my mother's old one that she doesn't need since she got a truly NEW Serta mattress, that replaced the crappy 20-year old ( about as old as me ) mattress that had a hole in which now and then, a spring coil would poke me, and although liking the new mattress, it's higher than I'm used to and the size makes my room feel....smaller.

I could even post about my giddyness of not only the Clerks 2 trailer, but on Friday being Degrassi day on the-n.

But yesterday I got Kingdom Hearts 2.

Bitches.

"My sanctuary, my sanctuary, yeah."

"Is... Kevin Smith here or did he leave allready?" .... ".... I... Don't know who that is....."

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 10:06:02 GMT

I needed to type this up in fear I'd forget it all. And with that, I'd like to start out and say....

I met Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes.

On Friday, I think it was, my sister IM'ed me while on the comp, and as we talked, she mentioned the Wizard World
comic convention at the LA Convention. Now, I was sort of mellow at reading this, as I'm not much of a comic fan. Then,
I asked, "Is Kevin Smith gonna be there?" As I had heard that he sometimes appears at these things. Then sister
confirmed that he was, INDEED, going to be there. Sunday.

".... We HAVE to go!" I said, or rather typed, at once. I don't think it's that big of a surprise to know that I am a big Kevin
Smith fan, so you know I was pretty excited at the mere chance to meet the guy. Who doesn't love Jay and Silent Bob,
really? Boring people with no humor, that's who. We started making plans, and it turned out Smith AND Jason Mewes
were going to be there, Saturday and Sunday. We couldn't make it Saturday, and might as well since I was basically left
at home with little cousin anyway. So, we made plans to go on Sunday. However, on looking at the schedule, I was
basically confused. On the Sunday programming, there was NO sign of Kevin Smith nor Jason Mewes, but it did mention
a Q and A session on Saturday. However, there was a "10-12" signing for the LA guests, so it was natural of me to think
they were included with that. I was going to bring my "Big Ass Jay and Silent Bob" figurines and have it signed.

Although, I knew that the time would not be good for sister... Or me either, really. We're not morning people. But fuck. I
was prepared to get up early and all that for this. I get up at 9, and I call sister at that time. ... No answer. So I start to get
ready, and around 9:30, which was really the time she told me to call her, I did, and got an answer. All seems well, and
says she'll be there at 10:30. I get my shit together, and by 10:30... Well... Parents tell me sister is BARELY on her way.
This is very typical.

So she ends up picking me up at around 11:30, with her boyfriend and older cousin ( one of my MANY cousins ) in tow. I
take my figurines anyway, I didn't care. Maybe it was a desperate grasp of some shred of hope of still meeting these two.
We get there, it's like a little after 12, and we do not see them in sight. However, Efren Ramierez(sp? Oh, and Pedro from
Napoleon Dynamite ) was there along with The Hulk, the original Lois Lane, and various others were there. Sister wanted
to get a signed picture, and got a Napoleon Dynamite dvd signed with a "Vote for Pedro", by the guy. One of the
convention staff was there, offering to answer any questions, in which I complied to.

"Is... Kevin Smith here or did he leave allready?"

"....I.... Don't know who that is."

.... haha.

"Uh.... You know. Jay and Silent Bob? .... This guy," holding up the Silent Bob figurine in hands.

".... I don't know. I don't have cable."

Er... Maybe... the staff at these things aren't required to know all of the guests or something? ... I dunno. But he directed
me to the OTHER side of the convention hall where there other guests signing and whatnot. So, me and Cousin leave
sister with Pedro and head on over to the otherside, again, we meet with disappointment. By this point... I'm somewhat
defeated, but then generally think to just have fun and buy as much as I can in the convention. ( I do this at any
convention I go to. I'm really bad at these things. So much temptation ) But! I go to the information desk and ask about
Smith, and learned that he was going to do a signing at around 2:00pm. ... Ofcourse, this was told to me by the SECOND
girl there, as the first one basically told me the Saturday programming, the Q and A session. But also told me that it was a
PRIVATE signing. .... Well, fuck, sir.

The people from Spike TV was giving out like, free bags, and I took one to put the Silent Bob figurine as he got quite
annoying carrying him around in hand, and basically wore him like a backpack, on my back, my sister who got the same
bag carried Jay on hers. ....and it oddly reminded me of those mothers and fathers that would carry their offspring in this
fashion. ....which worries me because Silent Bob figurine was bumped into things, and people, A LOT. If I had a child, I'd
be so damn paranoid to do that. So at this point, I sort of strayed from the others, and checked the booths, which,
consisted of some anime merchandise. I felt at home. What did I buy?

-- Too damn cute. Pink dress and all~

I JUMPED at the chance of owning this. KH2 should be coming out later this month. ( On the 30th to be exact~ )

I'm a slave for anything Cardcaptor Sakura, and was happy to get
this out of the box XD

I spent almost 40 bucks. It was worth it. But that wasn't all I bought... Then, by pure luck, I assure you, I wandered over
to Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash booth, and bought me a Chasing Dogma comic. And while there, I asked about the
signing, and was told by the guy that was in charge of the booth, that it was public. Inwardly rejoicing, I moved on. It
was around 1pm at this time, so I had an hour to kill. I temporarily met up with cousin, but then soon enough, we strayed
from each other, and I walked on. I basically looked at anything that crossed my path, really. I went past a booth that had
leather belts and leather skirts. Where there was two guys. In leather skirts. Yes, you heard me right... Or read me right if
you want to get technical.

"Hi."

"Hey."

"Wow, you look like you're having SO much fun, there." I started to crack a smile, "I mean you look so excited I should
just sedate you."

"Oh, please~" I replied. Then the guy caught sight of my Ed Elric patch sewn on my purse, and this led to a discussion
on anime. Good times. Then I finally caught sight of my sister as I left the anime fan in a leather skirt, and for a while, we
were together until I came across a booth of basic Japanese pop/rock and Game CD/Soundtracks and some posters of
Jpop/rock artists. I told her I wanted to check it out, she had said that she would be at the booth across from this one.
Then I bought this.

It was their last one, too <3 20 bucks, though. But meh~ Worth it, damnit. Then as I put the lamenated poster into my
ever growing bag of convention goods, I turn and find sister has just disappeared. And when I tried to call her, her cell
just didn't work. Greaaat~ So I wander off a bit, and came across a booth giving off a raffle for a free scholarship to some
classes, it was an art school. Now I was interested in film, which they offered, but I wasn't exactly into applying this soon
at this time... For any type of film school, really. ....... But. The girl that talked to me, was this REALLY cute asian girl.
......So. Yeah. I entered it. Don't know if I even won ( You didn't have to be present at the raffle ) but I highly doubt it.
...but damn, she was so cute. I also picked up a brochere from the Vancouver Film School. Just for the hell of it. Heh. A
year in Canada. That'd be interesting. Still in no sight of sister, her boyfriend, OR cousin, I went on, and picked up this
little addition to my bag, which I'll sew on later~
That's just too awesome. Rock out, Homer. Rock out.

It was around 1:51pm then, so dragging my bag of goods, I went on over to where the signing should be, and sure
enough, I caught a glimpse of the two. Now, my only other experiences involving celebrities and meeting them was back
in my Passions days when I would attend a grand total of 2, not 1, 2! signings. And everytime they looked so damn
different than on TV. Hell, at my first signing when seeing my fave actress off the show, Lindsay ( then Korman )
Hartley, I just thought she was some teenage girl that worked at the place.... Until people were shouting out, "Lindsay!
Lindsay!!!" then I had a, "HOSHIT!" moment. .... Man, that girl is so small. However, with these two? Even from a
distance, you KNEW it was them.

However, I saw some people right at the booth they were both in, but also saw a line at the side. Now I wasn't so sure
about the public signing. I didn't see sister at this point either, and she had my Jay figurine, after all. So I sort of felt
incomplete or something XD And she really wanted to see Jason Mewes. ...... Well. She keeps mispronouncing his name,
but whatever. Anyway, I went toward one of the staff that seemed to be in charge of the whole signing, and basically
asked if this was a public signing and all that. And apparently, it wasn't. It seemed that a raffle was thrown Saturday, and
a lucky 20 were chosen, given blue tickets with a star, and would get their stuff signed by Mewes and Smith, however,
the others lined up were hopefuls there for the mere THOUGHT of signing some extras. I was going to be one of them.

Around this time, my sister miraculously showed up, and was frantic. "COME ON! GET IT OUT!"

"...what?"

Giving me a frustrated look, "DUDE! HE'S THERE. KEVIN SMITH."

"... I know."

"GET OUT THE SILENT BOB!!!!"

"This is a PRIVATE signing. Only people with blue tickets with stars on them can get them signed."

".............................. Oh."

So we went to the side for a moment, and she says she's ready to bail. But, we sort of agree to join the line of the
hopefuls. And as we do, a staff member comes over and hands some people blue tickets. Apparently, as the LA
marathon was on that day, some of the 20 people couldn't make it. So, some blue tickets were given to some of the
hopefuls to make up for that 20, and since my sister was infront of me, she got the last one. Now, since the main reason
for me coming to this convention was to meet Kevin Smith, she turned to me and said, "I should just give this ticket to
you, huh?" Looking at her, I replied,

"...... Please!" I begged. She did, holding Silent Bob in my hands ( which, as I stood there, was getting hard to do. )
Unfortunately, there were more guys that came that was one of the lucky 20, and they sort of seperated my sister and I,
and soon sister's boyfriend handed me Jay. Confused, I took him, while I looked back at sister and silently asked, "What
the hell...?" in which she just shrugged. Oh yeah.. Heh. While in that line I got a few comments about the figurines.
Saying they were cool, and where I got it, stuff like that. I love them figurines, really. I got them at a comic store I would
frequent when I was taking classes at El Camino, the comic store, Geoffery's Comics, was across the street from the
college, so whenever I had a lunch break, I'd hit the comic store, look for some anime magazines and.... Well... Buy me
some Yugioh TCG. Then like, one day I saw figurines, big figurines of Jay and Silent Bob. Only two of each.
Unfortunately I didn't have the money, they were close to 30 bucks each, and I was so certain they would be sold out the
next day. So I pretty much thought it hopeless. .... Yet, every day I went to that comic store, they were there. A week or
two had to pass by, and still, they were there. Then a Friday rolled along, and I decided to just get the money, and on
that friday, I brought them home. ITWASFATEITELLYOU. Or maybe not. Meh.

Anyway, momentous occassion arrives. I go up to the booth, in line, and Jason Mewes is just in view. I start to get
nervous. I have a fear that when I get infront of them, I'll just freak out, grin like an idiot and/or go "OMG!" .... I did NOT
want to do that. XD I rather be the cool and collected fan than the uber excited rabid fan that most likely ruins it for the
others, and looks like a complete idiot. So, I tell myself to be calm, but oddly... When I got to them, I didn't feel as
nervous as I did. My mind did sort of came with a blank... I mean... I had thought of a lot of things that I wanted to say,
but when I actually got there... Well...

The person infront of me goes on her way, and I'm next, I move infront of Jason Mewes, or rather, facing more between
them, smile somewhat, not too much, "Hi." And I put the figurines down. I didn't really had to request to get the
figurines signed, like instinct ( and since this WAS a signing it was pretty much a given anyway... ) they both took a
hold of them, sharpies ready. I was planning to comment on Jason Mewes appearance in that Pauly Shore is Dead movie
( which is really good and I tottally recommend it. Even if you hate Shore and think he's overrated, watch it. It's really
great and I was really impressed with Mr. Shore ) But, before I could do that....

"Chest?"

I look up, "...what?"

"Chest?" Kevin Smith asks again, indicating the Silent Bob figurine.

"Oh, yeah." I'm an idiot, I think. Okay, maybe I wasn't ALL that calm, but hey, I didn't spazz. But, all the things I thought
of saying, it just left my mind, and honestly, I really didn't want to stall the line. But, I couldn't really think of anything
until something popped. "I have to say, Sir. You're the reason I got into Degrassi." .... And I know now all of my friends,
mostly online, that know of my Degrassi obsession are just ROLLING their eyes right now. But damnit, it's the truth.

"It's a great show, isn't it?" He asked, still signing.

"Oh, definately. I mean, before I wasn't really into it, and I'd see those commercials for it, that one with Ashley? You
know, at the end they put her dad's gay and then she turned goth. And that just sort of made me think she turned goth
BECAUSE her dad's gay...." He nodded a bit, "But then, I picked up the Jay and Silent Bob do Degrassi dvd, watched it
and... I just got hooked." I have to note again, that I'm pretty proud of myself that I didn't go all shy and my voice didn't
go that small, as I have had a habit of not being loud enough in the past.

At this point, all I could remember that both figurines were laid on the table, and Silent Bob almost fell, and I THINK
Jason Mewes like tried to catch him, but I think... Yes, I got to it first. Heh, my mind's a bit hazy. Then, I wanted to say
something, and all that came out, and sounded sooo completely fan-like I just sort of shook my head thinking back on it.

"I... I really like all that you've done, and... I really enjoyed meeting you." .... I'm such a fuckin' pussy, I swear. ...but then
I do have one, so I'll excuse myself for acting like one.

"Oh, thanks," he said, reaching out his hand, and I shook it. Giving a nod, ( I think? ) I walked away, and rejoined cousin
and sister's boyfriend, sister was still in line.

"You got 'em signed?" Cousin asked.

"Yep!" I reply, showing him the figurines, in which he looked at Silent Bob figurine, and sort of laughed a bit.

"...did you tell him to write that?"

"Eh?" Looking down, I quickly saw what he meant.

Looking back at him, I couldn't help but laugh, "Ha! No." Ahh, I felt a little special, though. Even if probably thousands
more got the same "<3's you" on their signed goods, that was still pretty cool. Oh, and let's not forget the Jay figurine.

We walked toward sister, and it looks like the sneak went into my bag and took out my Chasing Dogma comic I just
bought that day. ....but then she gave me her ticket, so whatever. However, she ended up not having a real good time
since, well.... She was getting pretty frustrated, I guess. She was getting a bit paranoid, wondering if I, or her boyfriend
was going to take a picture. So when she got there, she didn't really say anything, and... Smith tried to shake her hand,
twice, and she just wasn't having it. And afterwards, the picture her boyfriend took? ...Cut Jason Mewes out. She was
not happy. Then, a little before she got to them both, cousin took off in search of beer. And....

As we all got "reunited", after sister and I, waiting outside the convention hall, saw Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes make
their exits with others, either staff or fans in tow, we headed on our way and hit the Bar and Grill. This was after my sister
had turned to me and said:

"Okay, when we get home, I want you to wrap the figurines in plastic."

"....... Wh-Why....?"

"To preserve them, so you could sell them in twenty years."

"......... Are you crazy?! I'm not selling them!"

"Oh, come on! In twenty years you won't even know who Jay and Silent Bob WERE."

....... Now seeing as she was my ride, I simply just turned away. Now, I could understand if I had bought the figurines
allready signed and whatnot... But damnit. These things have a story behind them. I carried them throughout the whole
convention, and got them signed, IN PERSON. There is NO. WAY. I'm selling these. She wanted to take my Jay figurine
as well. Her exact words were, "Give me Snoochies Bootchies". ...... Call me selfish, but damnit. Having Silent Bob
figurine without Jay? That's just blasphemy. BLASPHEMY! I did offer to give her the Chasing Dogma comic after I read
it as that was my original plan ( I can't exactly find any other KS comics around here, aside from the one Clerks one I
have ) in which she said, with this general "wtf" look on her face:

"If you read it, you'll make crevices and then how am I supposed to sell it on Ebay?!"

.......... Jesus fuckin' Christ.

Needless to say, I kept it. Let her sell her Pedro/Efren Ramierez stuff. Oh, also, while we were all eating, cousin told me
that, while I was up there, talking to Kevin and not purposely ignoring Jason, apparently Mewes ( why the hell do I keep
neglect to capitalize his last name on the first time? ) was paying attention, and also saw him crack a smile when I
whipped out the figurines. ..... I had no idea. Why? BECAUSE I AM GUILTY OF IGNORING HIM. GUILT FILLS ME.
DAMN IT.

*sighs*

Before I finally end this, I just like to say... To the people at Wizard World? You guys.... Kicked major ass. It was my first
comic convention ( As I'm not that big of a comic fan ) but I have been to Expos, consisting of the Anime ( once ) and
Japan ( Twice ) expos. They were good.... A lot of cool stuff and all. But.... The difference between these conventions of
sorts, was the people. I had talked about this to my sister, who has went with me to these things, and she agreed. The
people at the Expos, were complete snobs.

SNOBS.

Everyone was out for themself, had an air of superiority, and basically? Made for a somewhat uncomfortable
environment. When seperated from sister at these expos, I definately felt alone, just alone. Wandering the room, with the
mentality of, "Just look. Buy. Leave. Don't make contact because these people aren't having it. They're here just for
money, whether spending it or earning it." Honestly, I had thought it was like this all the time.

Then that Sunday I went to Wizard World. The people there.... Were friendly. Nice. I wandered around alone, but... I
didn't FEEL alone. The people there were courteous, such as the anime fan in the leather skirt ( I ain't questioning
ANYTHING, he was nice, that's it. ) or the rather cute asian girl offering a raffle for the scholarship to that art school that
offered film, and.... It may sound weird, but..... I felt at home. And the other expos, I felt like an outsider crashing a party I
wasn't invited to. At Wizard World, I felt like an outsider that was greatly welcomed as an insider, or to put it simply...
Just welcomed.

I loved that. See you next year, Wizard World. See you next year.

.... I thought we were so happy together....

Sat, 18 Mar 2006 08:58:47 GMT

My god, we were together for so long. It had to have been close to.... what? Three? Four years? We found happiness together.... Fulfillment, excitement... Creativity... Sure, we had our ups and downs.... But.... I did notice myself feeling frustration toward the other.... Feeling that I couldn't depend on the other. Just as I gave trust to my other.... My other turns around and causes complications before I could save it. But still... Call me naiive if you want, I still believed we had a good kind of relationship. Although we would have our arguements, I thought we would get through it, and rekindle the love we once had, when we first met. The other had been with me through thick and thin. The other knew I appreciated all that the other has given me. We had a close relationship. The other just GETTING what I wanted, and delivered. It felt so natural between us......

But then I just wasn't able to save the damn movie. Microsoft Windows Movie Maker had betrayed and failed me.

After so many years using that program, NOW it decided to just fuck with me and stop saving my movies. But that's okay. I kicked that Little Microsoft Bitch to the curb. And now, I started a new relationship. With Adobe Premiere Pro. We just recently got together, and.... We have some problems, mostly with miscommunication, but, we're starting to get to know eachother, so, that's the important thing, I think. Here's to understanding eachother more, and hoping to have a long, lasting relationship.

Goodbye Movie Maker, my first love. You taught me great things, but eventually.... We just couldn't handle the relationship anymore. I understand that.... We had a good run. Thank you for all you've done for me.

Sayonara. Eternal...goodbye.

Why yes. I AM a Star Wars geek!

Sat, 11 Mar 2006 10:33:00 GMT

SakuraSoyokaze: I'm just full of sexual innuendos today
drill shot: Woo? >D
SakuraSoyokaze: XD
SakuraSoyokaze: YOU ENJOY MY PERVERTEDNESS
drill shot: CERTAINLY.
SakuraSoyokaze: XD!!!!
SakuraSoyokaze: YOU ARE NOT SO INNOCENT.
drill shot: I AM TOO. THE MOST INNOCENT. =D *halo*
SakuraSoyokaze: .... I SEE HORNS HOLDING UP THAT HALO. THAT HALO IS MADE OF PLASTIC! =O!!
drill shot: LIES.
drill shot: YOU SEE NOTHING OF THE SORT.
SakuraSoyokaze: *TAKES HALO. INSPECTS* IT SAYS MADE IN CHINA!
drill shot: XD!
drill shot: That's just... um. ABOUT ME.
SakuraSoyokaze: ABOUT YOU?!
drill shot: YES. I WAS MADE IN CHINE.
drill shot: ... CINHA.
drill shot: swtgszrdfy..
drill shot: CHINA.
SakuraSoyokaze: YOUR TYPOS BETRAY YOU.
drill shot: XD ALAS. MY SECRET IS OUT.
drill shot: WAIT. I WAS SPEAKING FRENCH. YES. CHINE.
SakuraSoyokaze: IF YOU WERE MADE IN CHINA WOULDN'T YOU SPEAK IN CHINESE?!
drill shot: ... Perhaps.
drill shot: >>
drill shot: <<
SakuraSoyokaze: and what did you mean by, "ALAS. MY SECRET IS OUT" eh?!
drill shot: NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL.
SakuraSoyokaze: LIES.
drill shot: I MEANT MY OTHER SECRET,
SakuraSoyokaze: AND WHAT SECRET IS THAT?!
drill shot: I AM YOUR FATHER.
SakuraSoyokaze: .... ...No.... No, no! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
drill shot: XD
SakuraSoyokaze: YOU KILLED MY FATHER.
SakuraSoyokaze: OBI-WAN TOLD ME
drill shot: WELL. OBI-WAN IS IN DENIAL, THAT BITCH.
SakuraSoyokaze: XD!!!!
SakuraSoyokaze: YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS THE BALL LICKER. I MEAN IN DENIAL.
SakuraSoyokaze: ;D
drill shot: XD!
drill shot: OMG. WHUT. HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR DADDY.
SakuraSoyokaze: NO. YOU AIN'T MA REEEL DAD.
SakuraSoyokaze: BITCH.
drill shot: WAH.
drill shot: I'M TELLING ON YOU.
SakuraSoyokaze: TO WHO?!
drill shot: ... MOM?
SakuraSoyokaze: YOU CHOKED HER BEFORE SHE GAVE BIRTH, SHE DIED IN THE HOSPITAL.
drill shot: ... OH. OOPS. YOUR OTHERRR MOM.
SakuraSoyokaze: WHAT OTHER MOM?!
drill shot: ... YODA?
SakuraSoyokaze: STOP LYING. YOU LIAR. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO LIE?!
drill shot: ARE YOU CALLING ME A LYING MCLIARPANTS?
SakuraSoyokaze: ...... YES.
drill shot: ... OH. EMO.
drill shot: [/caps abuse] XD;;
SakuraSoyokaze: XD!!!
drill shot: XD!
SakuraSoyokaze: DOES THAT MEAN YOU'LL CUT YOUR OWN ARM OFF?! I KNOW YOU HAVE A SORT OF FETISH FOR THAT.
drill shot: NO. EVEN BETTER. I'LL LET SOMEONE ELSE DO THE HONOURS.
SakuraSoyokaze: WHO?!
drill shot: YOU, MY OFFSPRING. YOUUUUU.
SakuraSoyokaze: ....... OKAY! *CHOPS!!* AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
drill shot: OOOH.
drill shot: YESSS. OH, GOD. YESSSS.
SakuraSoyokaze: ........ I FEEL DIRTY.
drill shot: I FEEL HORNY.
SakuraSoyokaze: I KNEW YOU WERE INTO THAT SHIT.
SakuraSoyokaze: THE BLACK MASK AND CAPE TELLS ALL.
drill shot: GIVE IN TO IT. YOU KNOW IT RUNS IN YOUR BLOOD.
SakuraSoyokaze: NO! I MUST RESIST THE DARKSIDE!
SakuraSoyokaze: OR I'LL JUST GET REALLY BAD ASTHMA AND THAT'S SOOO NOT COOL
drill shot: IT'S SEXY, DAMMIT. HEAVY BREATHING IS A REAL TURN-ON.
SakuraSoyokaze: FACE IT. YOU WERE ONLY GETTING SERIOUS PUSSY BEFORE OBI-WAN FUCKED YOU UP ON THAT VOLCANO.
drill shot: ... THAT BITCH.
SakuraSoyokaze: HE PROBABLY GOT A SHIT LOAD OF PUSSY AFTERWARDS ON TATOOINE. HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL?!
drill shot: ... THAT BITCH.
SakuraSoyokaze: THAT'S RIGHT. HE GOT THE PUSSY, AND YOU GOT SHIT! HA!
drill shot: I HOPE HE GOT CHLAMYDIA.
drill shot: OR CRABS.
SakuraSoyokaze: WELL. HE PROBABLY USES CONDOMS.
SakuraSoyokaze: MAGNUM I HEARD FROM SOME GIRLS.
drill shot: ... SO.
SakuraSoyokaze: I HEARD...THAT YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM LIKE THAT IF YOU GET MY MEANING.
drill shot: I DON'T GET ANY PROBLEMS.
SakuraSoyokaze: NOT WHAT I HEARD PADME TELL MON MOTHMA.
drill shot: WHATWHAT?
SakuraSoyokaze: ;D
SakuraSoyokaze: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
SakuraSoyokaze: "LITTLE" MAN.
drill shot: LIES. FOUL LIES.
SakuraSoyokaze: SHE ALSO SAID UNLIKE OTHERS, YOU CAN'T SEEM TO WORK IT.
drill shot: LIESSS.
SakuraSoyokaze: I WONDER. DO YOU LIKE TO USE TWO LIGHTSABERS FOR...COMPENSATION?
SakuraSoyokaze: I TAKE THAT SILENCE AS A YES!
SakuraSoyokaze: LITTLE VADER.
drill shot: I WAS BUSY SENDING OUT VIBES TO KILL THESE LIARS.
SakuraSoyokaze: LIAR.
drill shot: YES. THEY ARE.
SakuraSoyokaze: NO. YOU ARE THE LIAR.
SakuraSoyokaze: YOU ARE LITTLE VADE.R
SakuraSoyokaze: ...VADER
SakuraSoyokaze: ADMIT IT!
drill shot: I AM VERY FAMILIAR WITH MY BODY, THANKYOUVERYMUCH.
SakuraSoyokaze: I BET IT BURNT OFF AT THE VOLCANO IN MUSTAFAR.
SakuraSoyokaze: JUST SHRIVELED UP AND FELL OFF.
drill shot: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo.

........ Ahh, the conversations I have late at night.

....... Fuckin' hell.

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 05:47:16 GMT

...... You know. I had thought of doing a blog. For weeks. But uh..... I got lazy, folks. Which, really should make parents proud as I'd have acted like a stereotype of a mexican. .... So. I wasn't lazy for the sake of it, I was just acting my race. Yeah. That's it. That's the ticket.</old>

Okay, so what has happened to me... That's worth mentioning.... Well, I saw a naked Asian woman one day. Then I had a sandwich and--- Oh. You want to know more about the naked Asian woman? Fine. And for those horny guys that get a hard on at the simple thought of any girl on girl action, sorry to disappoint, but that's as far as I and Asian woman whose name I have NO idea is as we've never really talked except for "Excuse me" or, "Are you going into that stall?" See. I saw her naked in the women's locker room of the gym I attend. I was just standing infront of the shower stalls, after workout, ready to get in there and... Well. Shower. Then... You know when you see someone walk into your point of view, you have to turn your head? ... Well, I did just that. And.... Bringing to mind Clerks in which Jay said:

"Tits and ASS!"

....because that's what I saw. Which followed by an immediate turn of head. I mean.... I've seen women topless sometimes. Ya know. It's a locker room. But.... This woman ( and I mean woman, old enough to be someone's mother, so the inner perv didn't exactly enjoy it a lot. Oh to be in Japan and to see Nakama Yukie in that situation.... I swear, I think like a guy sometimes. Or a perv. Whatever comes first ) was COMPLETELY NAKED. NUDE. I COULD HAVE SEEN BUSH IF I DARED. .... But I didn't. Why? Because at that moment I was a pussy.

.....

No, that wasn't pun intended, but humorous all the same.

She ended up going to the shower stall next to me, in a one peice bathing suit, which... Was sort of... Ironic in a way. But. Meh. So yeah. Adventures in the Girls Locker room. I wish I was that confident in my body that I can strut around naked in the locker room. But uh... I don't want to scar anybody, so I choose not to. >.>

I went to see Brokeback Mountain with my friends, who I haven't hung out ( and recently found out they had myspace ) in a long ass time. It was a blast. We should all do it again. And the movie, well, quite honestly, I didn't think I was gonna like it. Unlike many, MANY fangirls.. I do not get wet over two gay guys. Now, if it was about lesbian cowgirls... Maybe. But gay cowboys? Eh. However... The movie was quite good. You sort of just forget for a while the whole gay thing, and just look at it as a love story. Forbiddon love, even. However, I didn't really feel the need to cry. As... I heard some people did. Pussies. Man-Pussies. Although I have to say, man... Heath Ledger's character? THE WORST. SECRET. GAY. LOVER. EVERRR. The fool, when meeting Jake Ghyllenhal's character starts kissing him, like, frenching him, INFRONT OF HIS HOME, and ofcourse... His wife sees them. At which point, I said, "Now why couldn't he wait and do that in a seedy motel room like all the other secret gay lovers?"

Then the next scene they were in a seedy hotel room. I just about died.

Also. They had the most random sex scene EVER. Ghyllenhal sleeps next to Ledger, G grabs L's hand and sort of makes L cuddle G. L wakes up and freaks, G and L sort of fight, then the next thing you know, L spits in his hand and the butt secks commences. WAIT, WAIT! The morning after, L says, "I ain't a queer." In which G replies, "Shit, I ain't either." ..... And then they have sex again. BUT REMEMBER. THEY AIN'T QUEER!

HAHAHAHA!

Oh yeah. And Anne Hathaway has some really nice boobs in this movie. She really does. Oh, and for some of those that say, "WTF. COWBOYS AREN'T GAY. THEY'RE NOT GAY!" Remember, it is said that cowboys usually get their man. And so do these two.

......

From behind.

Oh. Right. New Years.

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 12:17:07 GMT

Right. What did I do for New Years....

Well....

.........

I stayed at home... and drank crappy apple cider.

Then I learned..... That Spain makes crappy Apple Cider.

....... God, I have no life.

"So this is Christmas...."

Mon, 26 Dec 2005 14:10:21 GMT

It's strange. I would have thought that this christmas would be a bit, you know, fun. But, instead it just felt like a regular day but with random relatives coming over, some popping their head in my room, although not a lot. It just felt a bit empty to me. ...... Aah, don't confuse this for angst or anything. I'm making no move for a razor to cut myself like an angsty teen. ...since I'm not really a teen. And cutting is just plain stupid.

Anyway, picture it. Christmas Eve. I get done cleaning the hell out of my room, as per routine every year, I get dressed because Mom would KILL me if I go out in my usual sweats and t-shirt. Aunt comes and knocks on the door. Which... causes temporary confusion for me since I have TWO doors in my room. Wierd, I know. I try not to look at her messed up eye, as it's basically staring over her shoulder or something, she walks in, and, as most if not all my aunts, she carries the tone and attitude in her voice that she did when I was 9. ... wonderful. I should just spend christmas and these holidays with FRIENDS rather than family. She mentions how warm my room is, then points to my heater. Asking if it works well, and I mention that it does, although, everytime I turn it on, this wierd smell comes, I think maybe some burnt dust? Eh, either way, it smells wierd, and this cracks her up. ........ Yeaaaah. She leaves.

Then Aunt#2 comes in, who treats me like I'm 5. Hell, at my Grandmother's, her mother, funeral, when crying and going to the casket, she sees me, and says in her oh ever high-pitched voice, "Did you come to see Grandma?" ............... *shakes head* Anyway, she comes in, and is all, "OMFG, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN A WHILE, YOU REMEMBER YOUR AUNTY?! WHY DON'T YOU SEE ME, OMFG!" .....Er. I have seen no attempts of her visiting here, and can't remember any event where either parents either tell me or invite to see this aunt, sooo. Yeah. But, I have to admit, there was attempt at conversation. ... Not much of an attempt, but an attempt nonetheless. 'course... It was basically her saying that I'd forget all about her. =\ So she leaves, with two envelopes from both her and Ambigously Gay Uncle, who didn't come. .... No money from him, but a cool card. It was sparkly. ......AMBIGOUSLY.GAY.UNCLE. Oh. And aunt gave me my present. ....a keychain. A Las Vegas keychain. ...... I have my Weezer keychain, thank you very much.

So I sit there and watch some tv, at the comp, whatever. I just feel so damn uncomfortable at family functions. Ah, but that's okay, since Dotch Cooking Showdown is on, and I enjoy watching this Japanese Cooking Show. Which... was the best show I've seen yet. As I'm watching it, I hear sister coming inside, she opens my door, and this is what commenced.

"Hey, where's Dad?"
"Uh, he should be--"
"Happy birthday."
"........"
"Merry Christmas. I gotta go, bye! *leaves*"
".............. Uh.... Huh....."

.... My birthday is in August, by the way. I go back to watching my show, then another knock is heard. I open, and there's my cousin. My little cousin. ....EXCEPT SHE'S A LITTLE TALLER THAN ME NOW. I wanted to cry. I swear I did. This girl is probably in MIDDLE SCHOOL. I immediately have flashes of this girl when she was 5! And she's TALLER THAN ME. ........ I think I'm going to go cry now.

.......

Okay, moment passed.

Then we got to eat. ... I got to eat. Prime rib. <3 Loved it. Ate all alone, though. In dining room table. Didn't love it so much. Sister and some other relatives that weren't all old were passing the time getting drunk outside. Where it's fuckin' freezing. =\ Not my idea of funnn. But considering I didn't exactly have that much fun staying inside... I'm considering of freezing my butt off and taste the nasty ass beer next year. Meh.

Oh yes, present time. Yes. Presents. Honestly, I was expecting some money, basically. These people must have a hard ass time even considering shopping for me. But, the actual money I got was... 40 bucks. I was expecting a Japanese dictionary from sister since... Well. She's promised a Japanese dictionary since my birthday which, as I said, AUGUST. ..... But I didn't get it. I got a new purse and a shirt and matching pants from her. Clothes. Clothes that reaked of ciggarettes. .... Or is that reeked? ..... Reaked.... Reeked.... Bah, either way, it smelled of cigs. Present from Godmother ( the one that thinks I'm depressed because I'm lazy to clean room ) was..... Clothes. Two shirts. They're pretty cute, though, so meh. Cousin, another cousin because I'm mexican therefore I have TONS of cousins, got me a scarf, like she did last year. And..... Uh.... Oh yes, can't forget this.

Allright, remember that Aunt that thought because I said my heater emits a wierd smell was SO funny? Well. Most of her gifts to everyone was like, this tin can in the shape of Coca Cola bottles. I thought that was pretty neat, and was expecting to get the same. ..... But. I didn't get one. Oh, no! I got.... A cup.

A Las Vegas cup. With my name on it. ( It's on my myspace profile XD! )

A cup.... Because... You know. I usually pour liquids into my hands and sip. *obvious sarcasm here*

God, I should be a fuckin' actress, I was lying through my teeth when I was all, "Thank you for the gift." Because FUCK. A CUP?! A cup. Meh. Ofcourse, she got cousins ( one of them the one that's TALLER than me, omfg. ;_; ) like... bracelets. But, not her fault! No. Because, according to my mother.... She just doesn't know how to shop. For example, her gift to my mother. It was a sweater, a nice sweater, but just one problem. It was too small for mother. From what I can gather, their conversation went like this.

"This is so small."
"It's the biggest they had."
"But I don't FIT in it!"
"You should stop eating and it WILL fit." ( HOSHIT )
"YOU don't know how to shop!"

.... And I had thought this aunt was seemingly nice and innocent, and yet... She basically calls my Mom a Fatass. XD

Ahh. The holidays truly DOES bring us closer....

. . . . . Gah.

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 12:32:48 GMT

It's 4:32am and I'm still awake.

Wtf is wrong with me?

~.~ Sleep.... Do I not need you?

Weezer DVD! Remembering John Lennon. High-speed! Death to buffering!

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 09:18:47 GMT

Ah, yes. I'm on high-speed internet with Roadrunner. I do not regret anything. ANYTHING. I saw a streaming video today. No buffering. Smooth playing. No loading time. ..... It took so much effort not to cry right then and there. Ah, but I'm jumping ahead here. First thing's first. Weezer DVD.

Now I know most of you reading, those two or three people, thinking, "Oh. Weezer DVD. Oooo, that's real interesting. *close window*" Well.... Well.... Okay, yeah, it's not that big of a deal. But to me, it is, since.... Well.... A few months ago I didn't even know there WAS a Weezer dvd. So, I go to my local BestBuy and ask a guy that works there if they have it, and they do. Easy enough, right? ... Well.... They had it. But... It was somewhere in this VERY disorganized music dvd section. Whole aisle. So, for a few days, if I could manage to get to the said BestBuy, and everytime I went home empty-handed. Then, a few days ago I went to said Best Buy, not really looking for it, just there for shits and giggles. But, as I came upon the said aisle, by some early christmas miracle, it was organized. I mean... OR.GA.NIZED. So, I went down the aisle, eyes searching for anything with a "weezer" in it. Until finally...

"Yes! They have it! Five dvds left!"

...... But I was about five bucks short.

".... Noooo!!!"

So, quick thinking, I look around for a BestBuy employee, and I ask, with desperation in my voice, "... Do.... Do you hold items for customers?" In which he replied no.

".... DAMN YOU, BEST BUY! FIRST YOUR SUPPLY OF ASIAN KUNG-FU GENERATION CDS WENT OUT OF STOCK WITH NO INTENTION OF RESTOCKING AND NOW THIS?! WHY DO I EVEN COME HERE?!" I thought in my mind. .... There's no fuckin' way I'd voice this to an employee of Best Buy. .... That's where I get my anime, after all. ..... Usually over-priced anime. ............. Why do I keep going there? Anyway.

"..... do you accept ATM?"

"I think so...."

Yes. YES! Oh god, I hope so. With my luck if I waited they would sell out of the dvds. .......... And have no intention of restocking them.... *glare* Luckily, they DID accept ATM, and I felt like crying of happiness. ( ... Okay, not really. I'm not THAT much of a dork. .... Not saying I'm not a dork, but I have a certain level of dork. ) although I did find it funny that the Gokusen 2 ending song: "No more cry" came on. The DVD... Really rocks. To sound completely fangirl: It r0x0rz my s0x0rz.

..... God, that felt wrong. Probably said it wrong, too XD

Now see, I don't really recall ever seeing any video or hearing Rivers Cuomo's voice. You know. Just talking. Singing, well of course. Oh wait. No. That one line in the Keep Fishin' music video. .... With the Muppets which makes Keep Fishin' my second favorite. ( first has to be Buddy Holly. That was just...brilliant. Especially for a person like me who has probably seen every episode of Happy Days. Thank you Nick@Nite and TVLAND and sometimes WGN ) Ah, but with this dvd, I not only hear him talk, but I know how to pronounce his last name. ..... Yes. I was having trouble with that. Whenever asked, "Hey, what's the name of that lead singer in Weezer?" I'd reply: "Rivers C.... Uh.... .... Er..... ..... C-something. *cough*" Same whenever trying to say my... Oh so beloved Governor's last name. You know. Arnold Schwartz..... ...... Schwartzen.... ...... The Terminator. >_>

Oh, but my absolute FAVORITE.. Okay, one of my absolute favorite, part of the DVD..... When they made fun of O-Town.

.... I hated O-Town. They fuckin' replaced "The Hughleys" from good ol' TGIF line-up on ABC. ( And I find it INTERESTING they replaced an African-American show with a show full of white boys singing and dancing. ) That fuckin' "Making the Band" ..... It's not a band if they don't play instruments, damn it! But I watched anyway. There was this one guy, from Hawaii, that I just loved. No, not in that way, it's just... I remember the guy caused the others SO MUCH DAMN GRIEF. He knew they were shit and he didn't really care what happened, like, getting kicked out. Like, I guess at one point he had told either his girlfriend or family that he was going home. And the "band" was all, "OMFG, NO, YOU HAVE TO LIEK, STAY HERE AND STUFF!" and he was all, "BITCH, I'M GOING HOME, FUCK YOU!" .... I loved that guy! But yeah, as soon as the words, "Why vote for Weezer? Because we aren't O-town." I paused. Looked at the screen. And thought, "..... Kick ass...." Then they went on and just bashed O-town. I paused again. And thought, ".... I officially love them. LOVE THEM."

O-Town... I remember one episode... Where they sang at a highschool.... Wait, not a highschool, a JUNIOR highschool, and they started singing going all infront of some girls faces, like, REALLY close. ..... I hated that. Why? BECAUSE THAT HAPPENED TO ME, DAMNIT! It was elementary school. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. Some R&B group came to the school, and this one guy just went all up in my face, "singing" and shit. I'm not even sure I LIKED boys then. But.... If that were to happen again, at my current age... I'd probably do the same thing I did back then. What was that, you ask?

Tilt my head as farthest away from the guy's face and try to get him to do that to someone ELSE. Jesus CHRIST, that was just uncomfortable as HELL. And they weren't even good. T.T;;; Even if I liked the band or even liked the guy... Still would feel uncomfortable being that close without some form of a date first. Personal space, please?

Oddly enough, after watching the DVD.... I've fallen so deeply for Pinkerton. Hearing it as I type. Got to admit, I wasn't all that into it when I first got it, but.... Now taking the time to REALLY listen to it.... Gah, I love it. Lyrics feel so real, same reason I like Lennon's music, actually... I guess I just crave realism, heh. Speaking of Lennon ( wow, I went to that rather smoothly, didn't I? ) December 8th. Any Lennon fan ( and probably anyone hearing radio or watching TV ) knows that today, 25 years ago, John Lennon was shot down and killed by a deranged man. ( I refuse to add "fan" to his title. T_T ) I sort of forgot about it, though. ( Bad fan, bad fan! ) but... A few days I bought this LIFE tribute to Lennon, filled with pictures and articles of the photographers of said picture and what they thought of John and whatnot. But, I never really brought myself to read it, until today. And after I was done reading, I remembered. ..... A little eerie reading it on the day he died. ._.; Oh yes, and after seeing pictures of John and Yoko.... And how HAPPY he looked with her... I can't be one of those that didn't like Yoko. She's a wonderful woman in my book.

Not that I hated her or blamed her for the breakup of the Beatles. That would just be retarded. But... Eh. I was in-between. I didn't hate her, but... I didn't really love her either. Probably because she seemed to promote so many of John's things. Like, for example, drawings that John did SOLEY for Sean that, under Yoko, was soon printed in Baby merchandaise and whatnot... meh. I like her now, though. ...... I still can't play "Kiss, Kiss, Kiss" outloud, though... *shakes head*

Ah, High-speed.... I just downloaded 5-10 video files from the Clerks 2 site in under an hour. ... Road Runner... I can't come up with the words that express my feelings for you.... Except....

"... I'm shaking at your touch, I like you way too much! My baby, I'm afraid I'm FALLING FOR YOU!"

...... I'm listening to too much Pinkerton. Oh yeah, speaking of too much Weezer... In my spare time without internet... I'd like to say I did something worthwhile like, type more of my scripts, work on my site, stuff like that. .... But I can't. No, instead, I made montages. Montages of the Japanese Drama Tokyou Wankei. Two of them. Which, makes it a resounding four montages of that Japanese drama in total. But, these two are special... I was really... REALLY happy at the result. These two were set to two songs from Weezer's Blue album. Please enjoy and please comment =D

Part One: Mika and Ryosuke: Only in Dreams

Part Two: Mika and Ryosuke: "The world has turned, and left me here..."

Meh, nothing big, really...

Fri, 02 Dec 2005 06:09:21 GMT

After today, I won't be online for like.. a week. Did I get a life? No. I just have to cancel my msn subscription before they renew it automatically. Why I don't want msn anymore? Heheh... That's because by next thursday.... I'll be having High-speed internet. Oh yes. Good bye crappy dial-up! Goodbye disconnections! Goodbye slow page loading! Goodbye slow downloads! I won't miss you one bit! Ah... That may sound cruel, but god damn it it's the truth.

Dial-up, my friends, is like a doomed marriage started out too early. Atfirst, you don't know any better. You have NO experience and you don't know what you're getting into. So, to you, it's just the best thing ever and you can't think of being without it. ... But then.. As weeks, months, maybe a year passes by, and you realize... You made a mistake. You learn of higher speeds, and you look at your dial-up speed, and realize it could be so much better. You call your ISP company, and at the simple mention of switching to another ISP, the person on the other line practically BEGS you to stay in this god-forsaken marriage of dial-up. After all, you've been into this thing for a while now, you learn of the prices, that may be a bit out of your league, so you stay with dial-up for a while. Then it eats at you. Eats at you, and eats at you again.

...and in my case.... I started.... Looking around for different ISPs.... And... I'm sort of ashamed to admit it, but... I caught sight of one of those AOL CDs lying around the house....

It's not my fault! I mean... MSN was going SO FREAKIN' SLOWER THAN USUAL, to the point where it was an HOUR, an HOUR, people, for one damn page to load! ... I heard... That aol was fast... So.... So I picked up the CD-rom...and inserted it into computer. I cheated on MSN. I cheated on MSN with the biggest whore on the ISP circuit. ....but... That whore... That cheap whore betrayed me. Oh wait, did I say cheap? HAHAHA. Oh no. You see, for those dial-numbers to get you online... AOL gave me a list of numbers, and... Gave me LONG DISTANCE NUMBERS. So the BITCH caused a hefty phonebill. So I kicked the whore to the curb.

.... And I WOULD like to say I went back to MSN... But. No. I didn't. I soon hooked up with this local ISP. Coppernet. Or something like that, and I was pretty happy with Coppernet. It treated me good, just the way I like it. But... I hadn't cancelled MSN... And... I called again... And somehow, bah, maybe because MSN was my first ISP.... I sort of forgave it, and I broke things off with that sweet Coppernet... Coppernet was fine with it, and accepted our breakup. *sigh* I miss Coppernet sometimes...

But all that ends today. Finally, this whole MSN relationship is going to end TODAY. And, I think this would be the best for both of us.... So. I bid you all farewell for a week, and for msn, I bid you a farewell... Forever.

..... I'M FREE! I'M FREE! THE BITCH IS GONE! FREE! FREE! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

...... I mean. Oh yes. No more msn, I am sad. ...... >_>;

I sit here... In my chair... Tired, pants unzipped....

Sat, 26 Nov 2005 07:04:31 GMT

.... From eating for the second time Thanksgiving Dinner revisited you sick pervs.

....... Oh you know I love throwing sexual innuendos like that. Cock-smokers.

Well, thankfully, I got the Blue Album back from sister. And as I am VERY happy to get it back ( Now I can work on that music video that I got planned in my head! ) it only reminds me of the Daria DVD that was not so lucky and got lost within my Sister's possession. That poor.... Poor Daria DVD. ...when are they going to release that series on DVD? Hell, they allready did that for Beavis and Butthead....

Oh yeah. Thanksgiving/Turkey day happened yesterday. And that was just a bunch of FUN. As I stated before, I'm a very lazy person and I have a mess of a room. So, I spent most of the day cleaning it, to the joy of Godmother, who came EARLY to help cook with mother. Ofcourse I didn't know of this.... So. I put her son, my cousin/Godbrother to work and help me with the room. Luckily we didn't come across any...living...things... ( Spiders, mainly. Hate/fear the spiders... Kumo onna. T__T ) So whatever, after that is done, I watch an episode of That 70's Show before I go and take a shower for said dinner and all. The guest list are as follows.

Cousin who is my Godbrother, which, without the "god" part in there would give you the impression we were white trash... Er. Mexican trash... Meh.
Godmother who thinks I'm clinically depressed.
Mother who.... seems like she's on an eternal PMS....
Dad who.... Oh he's just kick ass.
Sister who is ALWAYS late that it's amusing to know she was born early. ... Probably the only time she was ever early. ( she was also late for Thanksgiving dinner, actually... )
Uncle who... Well... Most people THINK is gay, but not exactly sure. I know this because I overheard my mother being asked, "Is he gay?" and her replying, "... I don't know! =D"
And ah.... Friend of family... More like to my dad. Dee ( Like I'll give real names here... )

Dee.... Dee, Dee, Dee.... She's this older, but not too old as say elderly, caucasian/white lonely woman who befriended my Dad at the restaurant he works at, and my dad being the kind soul he was, invited her to some holiday dinner that I can't exactly remember. Ever since then... We were thought of as her second family. Most of her kids, if not all, are all grown up and whatnot, having families of thier own. For a while, she'd come to our family functions, out of the holiday deal. And, well, the thing about Dee is.... Hm... How could I put this....

Dee is the type of person that is really nice to people, genuine, and let's her feelings known, in a positive way and whatnot. I've never heard her say a real mean thing, but she sort of has this guilibility to her.... Somewhat like Rose from Golden Girls, perhaps? And the thing with my family, aside from my dad and MAYBE myself...

....they're the opposite of this.

When Dee leaves, this is about the time when my Mother and Sister choose to make fun of Dee. Imitate what she said and all. I haven't done this, but eh... Sometimes... Just sometimes... Well. Dee is also... The type of needy person. I don't blame her, though. She's basically alone so ofcourse she would want to spend atleast one or two days with the closest thing she has to a family. That's understandable. Sometimes I wonder if Dee knows of how my mother and sister mocking her... Bah.

Aside from Dee, the dinner itself, food-wise, was... Fuckin' good. Parents got this HUUUGE turkey, and we'll probably be sick of turkey, stuffing, mashed pota-- Okay, maybe not the potatoes, and jellied cranberry sauce by the end of this month. I wonder if that whole "Turkey makes you sleepy." thing is really true. I can't remember feeling sleepy after Turkey before I knew about that sleepy factor. But, after I learned about it, yeah, I get sleepy. Maybe it's that mind over matter deal?

I felt sorry for cousin last night. See. He goes to catholic school, so his mother was all, "Give grace." ...He couldn't really remember, or rather, probably felt embarassed of doing so since all eyes were on him. Frankly I could do without the "give grace" bull shit since, well, yeah, I'm athiest so, and ate hardly anything all day, so.... Yeah. I just wanted to eat. But! They were all on him, to the point where his mother said the whole Grace thing, and was all, "Say it." .... Jesus. Then we did the "Go around the table and say what you are thankful for."

...... Fuckin' hell....

I hate doing that.... What am I thankful for? I'll tell you one thing, I was tempted to say, "I'm thankful for nothing because my life sucks, I'm so depressed D=" just for Godmother. .... But I fought that. ..... Not sure why.... So everyone went and said the basic stuff. "I'm alive and I'm with family." which I think is really the basic for that thankful shit. So. I said family, greatful I'm here eating this dinner with family. .....Which... Sort of true. Let's face it, unless you're in those families that you can be 100% open with, holidays are basically Forced Family time. Not saying I hate my family but.... Eh. We're so damn different, you know? You can't find a common ground for anything. Hell, I'm a mexican that's more into Japanese culture for crying out loud. And ofcourse, I'm second youngest at that damn table, next to cousin, so... They don't exactly baby me, but.... They don't really see me as an adult either... Fuckin' hell...

I'm in academic and maturity purgatory.

I get the feeling constantly that whatever I do, whatever I say, it's never taken seriously, and it's just frustrating as hell. Take for example, Godmother was talking about this married couple back in mexico ( whether she knows them or not is a mystery ). And basically, the wife only cooks for the husband, and ignores the 12 ( yes, 12 PEOPLE ) kids they have. They sleep outside, and I was reacting to this story, not verbally, but I guess on my face, and the next thing I know, my Sister hits my arm and is laughing.

"What?!"

"You made such a funny face...HA HA HA HA."

"..... T___T..."

.... Yeah. As soon as I get through Adult School, get my priorites straight financially.... I'm moving far... Far away.... Maybe in a smaller town... Or something. T.T;